Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations
1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
* when they're ready.
* when you're not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain't neutral.
46. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
47. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
48. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren't.
57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. If the enemy is in range so are you.
115. Field experience is something you never get until just after you need it.
*Murphy* Bruce Lee said:
The way to transcend karma lies in the proper use of mind and will.
The oneness of all life is a truth that can be fully realized only when false notions of a separate self, whose destiny can be considered apart form the whole, are forever annihilated.
Turn into a doll made of wood: it has no ego, it thinks nothing, it is not grasping or sticky. Let the body and limbs work themselves out in accordance with the discipline they have undergone.
The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action.
Nothingness cannot be defined; the softest thing cannot be snapped.
The "Immovable" is the concentration of energy at a given focus, as at the axis of a wheel, instead of dispersal in scattered activities.
Art reaches its greatest peak when devoid of self-consciousness. Freedom discovers man the moment he loses concern over what impression he is making or about to make.
Let yourself go with the disease, be with it, keep it company with it - this is the way to be rid of it.
An assertion is Zen only when it is itself an act and does not refer to anything that is asserted to it.
Establish nothing in regard to oneself. Pass quickly like the non-existent and be quiet as purity. Those who gain lose.
Do not precede others, always follow them.
Do not run away; let go. Do not seek, for it will come when least expected.
Give up thinking as though not giving it up. Observe techniques as though not observing.
Before I learned martial art, a punch was just like a punch, a kick just like a kick. After I learned martial art, a punch was no longer a punch, a kick no longer a kick. Finally, after I understood martial art, a punch is just like a punch, a kick just like a kick.
Kung Fu is not preoccupied with breaking bricks and smashing boards, such as Karate. We're more concerned with having it affect our whole way of thinking and behaving.
My strength comes from the abdomen, it's the center of gravity and the source of real power. One must learn to react, rather than plan his movements.
I wanted to do something for myself - to bring honor to my own name. In Hong Kong, if I rode in a big car, people only said, 'There's Bruce in his old man's car.' Whatever I did, it was a reflection of what my family had already accomplished.
When I went home, I wanted to be able to show my mother a handful of money and say, 'Here, take $10,000 - or $50,000! I earned it. Help yourself. It's a present from me.
Naturally, I like Chinese culture better but the American is more practical. Brandon will have them both (happily note)
Rules that guys wished girls knew...
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present once again.
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
6) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and
carburetors.
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every
other cat.
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11) Shopping is not sport.
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!!
13) You have enough clothes.
14) You have too many shoes.
15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like
it.
16) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries
on a calendar.
18) Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
19) Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
20) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
21) A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
22) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
23) Films starring Barbara Streisand are fare for Girls Night Out.
24) Check your oil.
25) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
26) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
27) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
28) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
29) All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
31) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?
33) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done -- not both.
35) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
36) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37) Women wearing Miraclebras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.
38) Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you
do.
39) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter
us from reading the magazines.
40) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
41) Anyone can buy condoms.
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